


Iris . Blindinnit AU [DSMP]

by asheislost (Ash_Wings24)



Category: DSMP - Fandom, Dream SMP - Fandom, dream survival multiplayer, mcyt
Genre: Angst, Blind Character, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Happy Ending maybe, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Tommy and tubbo angst, Tommy’s Exile Arc, i promise you sadness, oneshot turned series, sleepy bois inc - Freeform, very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28907736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ash_Wings24/pseuds/asheislost
Summary: “I can’t...” Tommy muttered the last bit.“Speak up.”“I can’t see,” He cried out, shaking with fear.———Welcome to angst central featuring Tommyinnit’s exile arc but he gets injured into blindness!
Comments: 53
Kudos: 622





	1. Protea

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Iris . Blindinnit AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28827642) by [asheislost (Ash_Wings24)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ash_Wings24/pseuds/asheislost). 



> This was a oneshot at first, but now it’s a full thing :D

Tommy felt the handle of his cheap axe snap in half. The broken weapon didn’t leave him with much, because that is all he had come out to chop trees with. Night had fallen, taking him by surprise. The moon was bright enough to guide his sneakers to a cave.

Far from home, his looked for some way to make light. If he could make light, no mobs would spawn. Of course, he had no way to do this, making his fight flee. 

Carrying himself further into the woods, away from the zombie infested cave, he felt a sharp tang in his ankle as a jolt of pain lit up his back. Tommy yelled, bruising on the way into the old creeper hole. 

He sighed, holding back sobs from the pain. Tommy wouldn’t be running anymore like this, he knew.

Sudden irritation filled his head for creepers and unfilled holes. This was the extent of his anger, he thought.

Something else fell into the hole next to him with an unsettling hiss. He stared down a green abomination inching towards him, it’s little four stumps wiggling in odd ways. Tommy turned, attempting to stand and grasp the grass at the top.

It ripped through his fingers, and all he wanted was to hear anything but his heart. Such a bad last wish.

As a seeing man.

He turned back around to face the creeper, using the broken stick as a defence. It finally started to light up, and like the familiar sound of TNT, hiss.

A bright white flash and the eerie ringing of muffled burning flesh. Daylight rose over the horizon, he assumed, to match the bang. His stomach ached from the burning skin, and blistering blood seeping out.

Once the white vanished, so did everything. The tree’s whistling of wind and soft hopping of rabbits against grass was all he could hear. The mobs were all gone, and so was his sight. He stared out into a nothingness full world. It unsettled him and his sight attached being. 

Tubbo’s compass.

He rapidly inhaled, digging around the hole. The fact he only had an axe was false. He also carried the compass Ghostbur gave him around his neck. But he didn’t feel the weight. 

He couldn’t feel.  
He couldn’t hear.  
He couldn’t see.

He was alone.

Tommy cried out, voice hoarse from a long night of no rest and no food. Someone answered.

“Tommy?”

That was his friend’s voice! He was safe.

“Dream! P-please! Help me out of this hole!”

Silence stilled after the eager begging came. Gears grinding in Dream’s brain as he swiftly decided, perhaps he should help the child.

He shovelled some dirt out of the way, so the steep hole was flatter. Dream slid into the hole, grasping Tommy’s burning hand. He jumped at the sudden touch.

He could hear.  
He could feel.

The yank on the arm was painful and harsh. Not harsh compared to the cold night spent in the woods.

Dream smiled, not that our blind man could see it. He smiled underneath his mask and told Tommy to follow him.

“Dream.”

“Yes, Tommy?” The rough footsteps stopped.

“I can’t.”

The hunter laughed, thinking it a joke.  
“Wait? Really? Why is that?”

“I can’t...” Tommy muttered the last bit.

“Speak up.”

“I can’t see,” He cried out, shaking with fear.

“It’s okay. It’s probably just temporary. I’ll help you through it, don’t worry.”

“Really?” 

Dream grasped Tommy’s hand with rough fingerless gloves, pulling him lightly.  
“Of course. You think I’d leave my friend all alone? You don’t need anyone but me, Tommy. It’s okay.”

Tommy smiled softly, following Dream’s lead to Logstedshire. He appreciated the hooded man who always stayed by his side. Even when his “best friend” turned his back, Dream was there.

Tommy felt himself be guided up steps, and into the van, he thought. Dream looked around, making a makeshift sleeping place.

“Here is this,” He tapped onto the sheets, “So you don’t have to go into the monster infested darkness.”

He really was grateful. His only friend.


	2. Monkshood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big brother comes to help.

Why was the world so dark? His eyes had breached the morning and expected sunlight coming through his tnrent. But he realised he wasn’t in his tent, he didn’t know what time it was, and there was nothing.

There was something. He knew because he was touching soft sheets on his torso. But there was nothing to see.

The darkness spooked him, and his awareness for his surroundings skyrocketed. Everything he touched or heard sent him shivers. 

A sudden knock on a metal door took his breath away. 

“H— Hey? Who is it?” He mustered all the cocky confidence in his tiny body as he could.

“It’s me! Ghostbur!” The cheerful tone gave Tommy a slight smile. “Uh... The door doesn’t open from this side, it appears. Can you. Let me in? Or can you come out? Lads On Tour hasn’t hung out in so long!”

“Yeah, sure Ghostbur.”

Tommy wasn’t feeling good, but felt the walls to find some way to open the door. There wasn’t any button or switch that he could see. Well... 

“Tommy? It’s okay! I just remembered my Ghostpick!!” His huge smile came through in his voice, making Tommy only more uncertain.

The metal door beside him broke, and suddenly Ghostbur sent chills into the van.

“What are you doing in here? What about tnret?”

Tommy looked towards the voice, smiling nervously, “Dream said it was safer here!”

“Dream? He’s the nasty fella, though, isn’t he?”

“Huh?” 

“I was talking with Tubbo yesterday, and while he says they’re friends, Dream doesn’t act like it. He acts more so... Manipulative?”

Ghostbur’s words took him by surprise. Tommy blubbered, running his hand down his scarred arms as a stim.

“Why don’t we go on a little walk? It’s not snowing, so I think it’s okay for me to outside!” 

Tommy nodded, truly unsure. He wasn’t certain of anything really.

“Are you going to follow, Tommy?” 

Shit. That’s right. Ghostbur has incredibly quiet footsteps, with not having feet. He wasn’t sure how to follow his brother in this state.

“Wi— Ghostbur...” He chuckled, “I can’t see.”

“You’re worrying me. What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t fucking see, Ghostbur!”

Ghostbur choked, feeling his eyes go fuzzy. What is this? It’s so salty? He watched his little brother break down in front of him and felt helpless. None of Tommy’s words were getting to Ghostbur. It was all so... Fuzzy.

“Have some blue—,” He choked, not knowing why he couldn’t breathe. He’s a ghost! He doesn’t need air! He dug into his pockets, picking up some icy crystals. But as soon as his fingers wrapped around the shards, they seeped with dark oceans.

////

“Wilbur? Teach me how to play piano!” 

Wilbur laughed at his younger brother’s sudden outburst. He set down the guitar, picking up little ol’ T and carrying him to the keyboard Philza had bought him a while ago.

“Give me the Grand! And put me down!”

Wilbur set Tommy onto the stool, fidgeting with things so they were more to Tommy’s liking. The blonde struck some keys, causing Wilbur to cry out.

“No! You dumb child, don’t do that.” Tommy looked up with big blue and very excited eyes.

“Look, watch my hands. You first need to learn the basic chords and the scale. It’s just like any instrument.”

“I’ve never played any instrument.”

“You used to play that recorder around the house all the time.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Yeah. Growing up, you tend to forget things.”

////

Ghostbur coughed, watching blue blood drip from his mouth and onto his hand. 

“Ghostbur! I don’t know what I’m going to fucking do! I don’t know! How do I know where to walk! Or who I’m around? I could easily be killed in this state. I have one life!”

His brother needed him.


	3. Crocus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little needed family time.

All of a sudden, he wished he could touch things again. While Tommy snores softly in his arms, he feels nothing physically. He wants to take his fingers through the blond hair, feeling the rough sight. He wants to caress the younger’s face, comforting his brother.

He could see.  
He could hear.  
He couldn’t feel.

The next morning, as discussed, Ghostbur led Tommy to Technoblade’s cottage. It was difficult, using Ghostbur’s voice as a lead.

Tommy fussed about Dream, saying he was betraying Dream by leaving Logstedshire. But Ghostbur didn’t argue, only saying that Technoblade and Philza could help.

Apparently Philza had been under house arrest, unbeknownst to Tommy, and escaped. He and Techno hid in a supposed retirement now, away from society.

“Look— or um, we’re here! Tommy?”

“What does it look like, Ghostbur?” A sudden sadness dropped into his stomach as Tommy realised he would never really know.

“It is mainly spruce, with some cobble. More tall than wide. It, um... It looks like a medieval cottage!” Ghostbur knocked on the bottom doors, causing Tommy to flinch. A loud thud came from inside than some muffled arguing.

While Tommy’s hearing had gotten better, especially considering it sucked after the bang, he still had a hard time with noise. Deciphering it, specifically.

Wood on hinges creaked, and a husky, monotone voice sighed.

“Hi, Ghostbur.”

“Blade?” He wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to talk.

“Hi, Techno! I brought Tommy!” 

“You—“

Philza, Tommy assumes, calls from the second floor.  
“Who is it, Techno?”

“It’s um... Ghostbur and Tommy.”

“Tommy?!” A sudden hustle came from inside the cottage, with Philza staring out the doorway.

“Hi, Phil.” He, again, wanted to say. But he couldn’t speak. Say. Something.

“Tommy? Are you alright?”

His intestines swirled and he felt sick. He couldn’t breath. Why couldn’t he breath. 

Someone tried to hold his hand, but it surprised him so he yanked away his arm, backing up into snow. The crunching filled his head. The voices filled his head. Wont everyone just shut up?

He thinks he hears his name. Just stop talking.

His eyes burned as salty tears poured out. Don’t cry. You can’t be weak in front of everyone.

Tommy choked, wishing to get out at least a word.

“Le—“ Was all he could muster, before his back hit a tree. Tommy yelped, turning to run, but hit something hard.

Philza screamed, pushing Ghostbur out of the way to his child.

“Tommy?” His kid lay bloody and unconscious in his arms. Not again. “Tommy! Hey, wake up.”

Technoblade rushed inside, sifting through potions. He picked up a couple of regeneration and instant healing, as well as some bandages. Philza snatched the bottles as soon as Techno got close, uncorking a regen and opening Tommy’s mouth.

////

“C’mon, Tommy.”

A highly fevered blonde shook his head aggressively, running further into the snowy backyard.

“You’re going to get worse. You can’t just keep playing.”

“Why are you so serious?” Young Tommy whined, crossing his arms.

“This is a serious matter. You may die if you aren’t careful.” Philza picked up Tommy as soon as he reached him.

“I don’t want to be serious.”

“Just take your medicine, that’s all I ask.”

Snow started to drift from the overcast sky, and Tommy sneezed.

“Then can I play?”

Dadza sighed. “As long as it’s in the warm indoors and not out here.”

////

He had to get his son out of the snow, which was difficult with how much Tommy had grown. They had waited a few minutes to see if the potion would do anything, and while the head bump settled down and the blood stopped flowing, Tommy was still bloody faced and out cold.

Technoblade lifted up Tommy from Phil’s arms, carefully hoisting him over his shoulder. The two others followed Techno inside, as he climbed the ladder, honestly struggling on his own.

They reached the attic space where Tommy was set into Techno’s bed. He turned softly into the touch of cotton sheets. He hasn’t had a proper bed in months.

Ghostbur watched him stir, washing the blood off of his younger brother’s face. Philza sat in a chair at the edge of the bed. Technoblade was downstairs, pretending not to care.

Tommy breathed softly, opening his eyes to a once more dark world. 

The second day, it was more expected, but still surprised him. Tommy twisted out of the unfamiliar sheets, not recognising where he was. The sounds were still, with clanging downstairs and snow against glass. He even heard a fire crackling close by.

Wood creaked, and there were soft but heavy footsteps. Quite all of a sudden, he fell water rolling down his face, falling from above like it was raining. Someone held him, the scent familiar but foreign.

“Tommy...” Phil? “You scared the shit out of me.”


	4. Honeysuckle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth hurts, let’s live a lie.

Sharp blades of grass dug into his skin like knives, and stickers clung to the hair in his legs. There was something in his ears, and he wanted to pry them out. But his hands wouldn’t move. His feet couldn’t move.

Something brushed on his shoulder, and he tried to look in the direction. He must have a blindfold or something on. Everything was dark.

He assumed it was the same thing, but something kicked his face into the grass, scratching his cheeks. His feet were then unbound, and he struggled to them without hands. 

Muffled laughter came from somewhere. It was eerily familiar.

The same rough, gloved hand he memorised took him by the neck. Tommy tried to scream, but he couldn’t even breath. 

////

He woke in a cold sweat, confused to his surroundings. No one was around, it seemed, and there was no sound but an Enderman, a fire, and snow.

His reach for Tubbo’s compass was unmet, and hazy memories broke in. 

He remembered falling into a hole. His ankle still hurt. 

He remembered digging up dirt for something. Tubbo’s compass, maybe?

He remembered a lot of white, then nothing. The nothing...

“Nothing,” he whispered, his voice scratchy and dry. He needed water, but he wasn’t even sure where he was.

He remembered a warm embrace and oaky scent. Philza?

“D— Phil? Wilbur? Techno?” Tommy called out to the best of his ability, and to no avail. They may have left him a note or something. That would...not be helpful. Not, he remembered.

At least he had memories of the sun, bright and annoying. At least he had memories of Wilbur’s yellow sweater, gifted to him by Philza. At least he remembered Tubbo’s smile, and bees, and flowers.

Tubbo? He would never see him again. Sure, it’d be lovely to hear his voice. But seeing that gorgeous smile? Watching him ruffle his own hair? 

Doesn’t matter, he supposes. He’ll never see him again anyhow. Tubbo sent him away to this... Logstedshire and hasn’t visited once. Dream visits him more than his own best friend...

Dream?

“Dream? Dream, you there?” He needs him. Sure, he was cruel sometimes, but Dream showed he was the only one that cared. He needs Dream. He needs Dream. Where is he? 

“Dream? Dream, please! You promised—“ He swallowed for saliva, “you’d help me! My friend?”

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Anybody?

A click of metal, than the creaking of wood filled his ears. Suddenly, two pairs of footsteps echoed through the cabin downstairs. There was the sound of talking, then climbing on a ladder.

“You’re awake again.”

“Dad?”

Philza choked up, having not been called that by his son in a very long time.   
“Hey, Toms.”

“Where’s Dream?” Tommy tried his best to listen for his friend.

“Shh... He isn’t here. You’re safe.”

“I need him! I don’t— I don’t need you. I just...” 

Philza wiped the tears from his son’s salty cheeks, pulling him into his chest. He wouldn’t be lying if he said he was hurt. But his son was hurt more, and needed someone reliable.

“It’s okay, Toms.”

The fingers swirling his long hair was relaxing. He still needed Dream, but perhaps he wanted to need other people as well. No matter how much they hurt him, they were still family.

Tommy stopped crying, not moving in Phil’s arms. If his breath was any quieter, he might be thought dead. It was scary to an outsider, but the loud child was known to Philza to breath quietly. It was a sign he was actually calm, a rare sight.

“Phil?”

“Yes, Tommy?”

“...You won’t leave me, too, right?”

“I won’t. Nothing can hurt you.” 

They both wanted to live the lie, live the peace. It was ideal, but not realistic. They both knew the lie would end eventually, broken by how the world really is. How much the world hurts to live in.

But for just a moment, father and son held each other.

But for just a moment, father and son were in peace.


	5. Nightshade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s cold.

The cold snow numbed his face, as he stood outside in the forest. Tommy was attempting to learn navigation on his own. He didn’t want others to have to lead him or carry him anymore. He didn’t like the feeling of being a burden.

So, with a lot of persuading, Philza let him out in the woods. He was moving around the trees and up the hills with lots of issues, but getting better.

He wished it rained here, because snow is so quiet. It’s hard to tell where things are, and he has fallen into several holes.

Of course, there was a catch to Philza letting him outside. He wasn’t alone. Technoblade was following from a distance to make sure the boy didn’t hurt himself. It was just a precaution.

His boots sunk into the layered snow with each step, but not enough for him to worry about getting stuck. A rabbit hopped by, spooking him. Tommy fell backwards. He scrambled to his feet, before falling into a hidden water pool.

Knowing Technoblade would be on his way, he called out, “I’m fine!”

He lied. It was freezing cold water and Tommy’s clothes were soaked. At least this pool was about knee deep. Tommy struggled to his feet, wading through the pool and towards the dirt shores.

Someone audibly knelt down, and reached out a hand. Tommy surpassed it, getting out on his own.

“Thanks, but I said I’m fine, Blade.”

“You look a little cold.”

“...Blade?” 

Why was his voice suddenly higher?

“No, Tommy. Although, thanks for telling me who you ran off to.”

“Wait, Dream, please. I didn’t have a say in this. I barely just learnt that this is where I am! I— I don’t...” Tommy tried his best to breath.

“Tommy, you fucked up.”

“No, Dream, please. I—“

“No! You listen here, you little brat! I gave you everything! I gave you a chance, I gave you a home, I gave you armour sometimes,” Dream laughed, pulling Tommy up by his wrist, harsh and tight, “But you had to run off when everything was perfectly fine. You had to ruin it. Like you always do. We—“

“Put him down, Dream,” A crossbow loads.

Was that really Technoblade this time? 

“Oh. Hello, Techno.”

“Let him go.”

“You owe me.”

“Are you cashing in that favour now?”

“Mm...” Dream thought for a moment. The longest agonising moment in Tommy’s life. “No. I’ll be using that later.”

Tommy let out a breath of relief, feeling a weight off of his chest, but he still had a problem to deal with.

“So, let Tommy go, Dream.”

And he did, right onto the ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QnA is now open! If it pertains to lore, I will give short answers but answers they are.


	6. Traveller’s Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice ice baby. duh du du duh doo

The world spun, and he swore he tasted blood. For a world of black, it seemed to sway pretty well.

“Tommy!” 

Was that Technoblade calling his name? Was... Did he really care? He felt his numb body be lifted up. There was a laugh, something so menacing. 

The same laugh from his dreams.

His head felt light. A throbbing sent his body into lockdown.

Tommy couldn’t think. All he knew at the moment was he was in immense pain. He couldn’t remember how he got there. Just, a second later, he was rushed through the cottage doors and there was a clammer.

Philza started to worry, it seemed. He was probably pretending.

Technoblade set him down onto the first floor couch, next to the fire. He was rather cold, actually.

“Can you hear me, Tommy?” That was Philza. Maybe. 

His lips felt numb. He couldn’t move his mouth to respond. Apparently the movement in his jaw was enough of a sign for Phil, though.

“Okay. I’m going to need you to drink this.”

Some warm liquid was pushed against his lips. He swallowed it, even though it burned his throat. It sent shivers of warmth down his body, and the world didn’t turn as much.

“How are you feeling, Toms?”

Terrible. So so terrible. He wanted to see. And while the pain was simmering down, he wanted that and the headache gone, too. He wanted to hold Tubbo again. He wanted to smell the warm air of L’manburg. He wanted to hear his discs. He wanted the pain to end.

Philza seemed to understand, even without an answer, and he embraced his son. For the second time that week, Phil held someone he hadn’t seen in so long. This time, Tommy didn’t hold back. He didn’t even cry.

This time, Tommy just took in the moment, wanting everything to end. With no Tubbo, he didn’t want to be alive. With no sight, he didn’t want to breath.

“It’s going to be okay, Tommy. Some day, everything will be fine. Fine in a way we won’t have to worry. Fine in a way that we can all live in peace again.”

And he fell asleep in Philza’s arms. The trembling breaths only spoke of a terrible dream. Phil wanted him to have happy dreams where everything was okay. But, he knew that was a rarity.

“How is his head?” Technoblade sat on the floor in front of the couch, his back hunched.

“It stopped bleeding, but I’m sure it still hurts.” Philza ran his fingers through his hair. “He’s freezing and wet. We need to make sure he doesn’t get sick.”

“I think it’s too late for that. He’s been in that condition for far too long, I can only imagine how sick he will be.” 

They sat in silence, not even able to enjoy the moment. Tommy’s breaths shook harder, and he was suddenly sobbing into Philza’s chest. The boy was still asleep.

The next morning, Tommy had a fever. He wasn’t allowed back outside. Instead, he was placed in warm clothes and put under Techno’s fluffy blankets. He shivered as he slept, a migraine present.

Philza was surprised he was able to sleep in that situation, but knew he needed a lot of rest from many sleepless nights.

Technoblade was out hunting, that being a stress reliever for him. While he didn’t like the sight of blood, the time by himself was pleasing. Ghostbur spooked him, sending an arrow into the ghostly figure.

When the two arrived back at the cottage, very late in the night, Ghostbur was battered but happy. Technoblade was just tired.

Phil slept in a chair by the bed, having watched Tommy and grown sleepy. Techno draped a blanket over him as well, and headed to the couch, where he fell restless in the night.

It would be an understatement to say none of them slept well.


	7. Zinnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Zinnia Mixed: Is a sorrowful bunch. The beautiful blooms means “in memory of lost one”.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t usually write from Tubbo’s POV when it comes to this story but uhh take this because someone asked about it,,

It had been so long. Finally. He had caught a break from everything in L’manburg. He could visit his friend.

A trace of guilt trickled down his face, but he shook it away, knowing everything would be just fine.

The portal warped, nauseatingly, twisting Tubbo’s organs. He clutched his mouth, ready, but had gotten better at not throwing up every-time.

The skies twisted red, and grass turned hard. The unsettlingly hot atmosphere led him speed walking down the path he assumed was Tommy’s. It was thin at first, then expanded to cobble and obsidian. Someone probably helped Tommy with this, seeing as Tommy would only use cobblestone. He hates obsidian.

Up and down and up and down, the path twisted and turned. It was pointlessly long.

Finally, Tubbo reached a small portal, poorly crafted. Prepping himself through, he did actually throw up on the other side. He hates portals.

His tiny body stumbled through the rough obsidian eyes lol barrier and into the grass. Surrounded by trails leading to tents in the distance, a beach by the shore, and a log build to his left.

The tent was surely Tommy’s. He smiles nervously, fidgeting with his thumbs as he headed up hill, to the tent. It was open, with a picture of the Queen inside, next to the makeshift sheets on the grass and an enderchest buried into the dirt. 

A paper was roughly set under the pillow, and when pulled out, Tubbo smiled. It was the picture of Tubbo and Tommy by the water, when they went boating together.

He clutched the compass dangling from his neck, and sobbed into the sheets. 

“Not yet,” he smiled, getting up and heading to the log structure. There was a bell on top of an oak log in one corner, hidden by barrels, and then a large van, obviously built by Ghostbur. The door seemed to be missing, and inside was a blanket with blue smeared on its edges. 

Where was Tommy? His heart skipped a beat, and he noticed his old friend wasn’t anywhere, suddenly in a frenzy. 

He feet shook as he walked to the beach, where a festive setup was put up. Tubbo accidentally stepped in some cake, before flinching at a voice.

“What are you doing here Tubbo?”

His feet twisted in the sand, and he fell into a hard wooden chair behind him. Rubbing his head, he gazed blurring up to a green figure. The hoodied man crouched to Tubbo’s eye line.

“Answer me, Tubbo.”

“I— I... I came to see Tommy! Where is he? Why is everything... Where is he, Dream?”

Dream smiled picking up Tubbo, sadly.

“I have bad news, Tubbo. Tommy... Let me show you something.”

His tight grasp in Tubbo’s wrist carried the two to the woods where low hanging trees covered the sun. Tubbo almost fell into a hole, when Dream yanked him backwards.

“Careful.”

“A creeper hole? Wh— what’s this...?” Tubbo’s breath hitched, confused.

“I found this in the hole when I visited last,” Dream said with a frown, dangling a compass from his fingertips. Did Tommy have a matching compass to Tubbo? But why would he leave it behind...

“He wouldn’t leave this behind, Tubbo. I have two thoughts. One is he ran away, leaving this or dropping this behind, and the other is—“

“He died.” Tubbo choked, sitting next to the hole. His voice cracked in the midst of his line, and now was the time to sob. These weren’t happy tears anymore.

“C’mon. You’re the strongest president I know. You don’t need him, Tubbo.”

Tubbo looked up to Dream, then back down. Surely not. Surely he didn’t need Tommy to be strong. Surely he didn’t need Tommy to be the best president. Surely he didn’t need Tommy.


	8. Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New things are happening, old times are gone.

“If you hadn’t exiled him, he wouldn’t have died, Tubbo!” Fundy screeches, slamming a fist onto the round table.

“You think he had a choice?” Ranboo spoke up, looking at the ground, “If Tubbo hadn’t exiled Tommy, no one would have a home! Tubbo didn’t know he would die! Maybe they both would’ve died if Tubbo hadn’t done that.”

“Tubbo didn’t have to, we could’ve fought for L’manburg with Tommy.” 

“Stop it!” Tubbo stood abruptly from his chair, silently sobbing, “I’m sorry I did what I did. If I could, I would take back all of my actions all the way to being Schlatt’s right hand man. You think I don’t feel guilt, Fundy? You think I wanted to kill my best friend?”

“Well—“

“No! I didn’t! I get he was your uncle, but he was like a brother to me. I didn’t have a choice. Ranboo is right, everything might be gone if I hadn’t done that. But that doesn’t mean I’m guiltless, Fundy.”

Tubbo sat back down in his chair, breathing deeply. He watched Ranboo fizzle in his seat, and Fundy panted in his. Quakity was sitting in his own chair, silent as a moth. 

“We should hold a ceremony,” Quakity sighed. “He built this nation, and even gave a life for it. He deserves a burial.”

“We have nothing to bury,” Tubbo frowned.

“The compass. And his disc, maybe? Things that meant a lot to him.”

Ranboo nodded. Fundy and Tubbo followed.

They all agreed to hold a burial ceremony later that week.

////

Philza paced in front of the couch, back and forth. Tommy fidgeted with his fingers, irritated by Phil’s movements.

“Can you stop that, Phil?”

“Of course. I’m just...”

“They’ll be back soon.” Tommy muttered, doubtful that anything Technoblade and Ghostbur would find, would prove useless.

The door swung open, and what Tommy had memorised as Techno’s heavy footprints, entered the cozy home.

“We got totems and potions!” Ghostbur clapped. Tommy frowned. What kind of potions? Why did they need totems?

“We found a blindness potion, and was thinking we could reverse the effects,” Technoblade explained to Phil, not caring to explain to Tommy. The one who was blinded.

“And the totems?” Phil heaved.

“Our second idea was to see if he would be fine after dying. With a totem, of course. Cant risk his last life.”

“You want to kill me?” Tommy cried out.

“We don’t want to, but the totem has magical properties and might fix this.”

“Fix me.”

“No, you aren’t broken, Tommy. This is just a complicated situation. You want your sight back, right?” Philza grabbed Tommy’s hands, rubbing thumb against the backs.

“Will it hurt?”

“It will be like any other death.”

Tommy winced at the thought. A sword impaled him, sending gushes of pain up his back before he fell limp. An arrow hit his skull, and his ears ringed before falling into Wilbur’s arms. The memories sent chills down his back. Dying hurt. A lot.

And Tommy remembered every second of his previous two deaths. Why would he voluntarily go through the pain of another? Even if just to restore his vision, he would rather live blind...

But what about Tubbo’s smile? What about flower forests? He would be more blind than George if he didn’t take up this offer.

Then he remembers, this is all a backup plan.

“Hit me with the blindness potion.”


	9. Weeping Willow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahahahhahah

Tommy inhaled, before stepping into the corner that Technoblade prepared for him. The anarchist pig handed over a heavy glass, corked full of blackness. 

“This is the right one?” He stalled, not really wanting to drink this. 

Techno nodded, before remembering. “Yes, Tommy. Whenever you’re ready.”

It tasted like squid ink, spilling down his throat and into his digestive system. He could feel his insides burning; his eyes burning. He wanted to open them further and further. He wanted to scratch them out. Get them out. Make it stop. Make the pain end. 

Tommy fell to his knees, scratching at his eyes with screams of agony. Philza ran forward, attempting to hold him back.

“How long?” Philza asked urgently.

“I’m not sure! Maybe two— three minutes?” 

Tommy wanted to cry, but the salty tears hurt him only more. His blue eyes swirled with inky darkness, and suddenly the world was so cold. Make it stop. Make it stop.

“Get him milk!”

His heavy breathing was abruptly ended by a glass of milk being shoved down his throat. The cold refreshment stopped the burning sensation, and he melted into the glass cup.

Ghostbur scratched at his neck from across the room, watching nervously. “I’m sorry, Tommy. It was my idea.” He wouldn’t remember this later.

“It’s okay, Ghostbur,” Tommy sighed, having finished the milk. He slumped into the corner walls, worn out.

Philza ran fingers through the blonde’s hair.

“Did it work?” Technoblade queried, nervous to talk.

“I can’t see, Blade... It did nothing.”

“Shit.”

Tommy’s once more blue eyes looked towards Technoblade’s agonised voice. “It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting it to.” He was hopeful, but not expectant. 

Tommy used to be very hopeful. Back when Wilbur started a little business with Tommy, and the two planned to run the potions on the server. Tommy was hopeful when Wilbur showed him sketches of a flag, and Tommy knew that this would work. Tommy was hopeful when Tubbo joined, and Eret, and Jack. Tommy was hopeful when Wilbur showed him a child, a ray of light for the nation, Fundy.

Tommy was hopeful.

But he lost that hope when bombs crushed the Earth. Or when a friend turned sly, in wish of a crown. Or when two bright young men lost a fun game, and had everything torn away. When L’manburg lost the L. When Tubbo blew up. When Wilbur rUINED EVERYTHING. IT WAS FINE. IT WAS FINE. 

But when Tommy watched his brother die, blood by his own father, Tommy lost hope.

Tommy lost his youth.

He found joy in little things, like the discs or Tubbo. But he knows now, to never trust a happy front. There is always a joyless back.

The young boy wiped the milk from his chin, suddenly in a bad mood. His tired feet stood, disturbing Philza’s peace, and he took himself to the ladder.

“Tommy?”

“Whatsup Phil?” He blinked, worn.

“It will get better.”

He was more than tired physically; he was tired of the lies. No response given, but an mm let out, he carried on down the rope and into the bed that they had made for him. They added a lower room, below a bunch of villagers, just for Tommy. It was cold being so close to the floor, being away from the fire. 

He huddles into his blankets, knowing he will only dream bad dreams. 

He was used to it.

////

Tubbo hung a light, red and white glistening from the bulbs, strung across an arch. The arch was oak, and made of fences. In between the lights and wood was flowers of all kinds, primarily red poppies and white roses. Niki had grown the flowers herself.

Quackity collected things from Tommy’s home, sifting through chests. He found an array of suiting objects that would be buried to symbolise Tommy.

No one seemed happy to be decorating. A dark gray cloud hung over L’manburg.

Ranboo was setting up something at the beach. According to Tubbo, everyone would be invited to the ceremony on Friday, even Dream.

It was nothing like JSchlatt’s grave. There wasn’t any blackstone, instead, mostly wood and cobble. The wasn’t any fire, instead, water ran out from the wall, into a circular basin.

Fundy was working on getting a picture of Tommy. He smiled softly, shuffling through old memories. In every picture, Tommy either wasn’t paying attention, or was smiling so wide.

Tubbo was right. Fundy did blame him for Tommy’s death. A swirl of guilt settled in for blaming the president. Something inside whispered that either way, there would’ve been blood, exile or not.

Unsure of what to pick, he grabs the all, leaving his not so secret home on the hill and going towards L’manburg where they set up. It was where the van used to be, is where they were building his shrine. Ghostbur helped, smiling softly at them all.

“This is fun,” The dead man chuckles, putting his hands under the streaming water.

“Sure, Ghostbur,” Tubbo frowned, shrugging it off.

Fundy handed over the photos to Tubbo, dropping a few as he did. 

“It’s Tommy!”

“Yes, Ghostbur.”

Tubbo shuffled through them, smiling. He grabbed a line of string and some clips, hanging them all. Hard to choose.

The string of photos went above the water, and Ghostbur helped get them higher. Quackity came down from the path. They collectively called it a day, seeing Tubbo practically sway.


	10. Periwinkle

Periwinkle 

Wind whistled in his ears, fiercely holding him back with each step. The cold snow froze his throat, his lungs. Dry.

Technoblade had said it was essential to learn to be in the cold. The nearest nether portal was a mile away, and a hell of a walk. Between hills and the starting of a blizzard, Tommy could tell. 

Ghostbur has been absent for the last six days, saying there was a big event today. Instead, Technoblade was helping Tommy memorise the layout of the land, day by day. 

From a couple steps behind him, Tommy heard the husky voice. “Would you like to see— be in L’manburg again?”

“What?” He turned to face the voice, curious and cold.

Technoblade draped a large coat on Tommy’s shivering shoulders. “I have invisibility potions in my bag, if you want. I’ll guide you. I know the way.”

The sudden news dropped onto Tommy hit him like a brick. To feel the sun on his back. To see the waving flag. To see. He wish he could see L’manburg one last time.

“Sure. I want to be there.”

“You know you can’t—“

“Yeah.” See? Interact with anyone? He knew. But being there with his other senses was better than not at all.

////

Ghostbur was handed an acoustic guitar.

“Blue.”

“Oh! Baby Blue!” He cheered, grabbing the neck gently, swinging the strap around his shoulder. “Thank you, Tubbo.”

The child smiled softly, letting go carefully. They had managed to save his favourite guitar from Pogtopia. The others had been tossed into a bonfire because of JSchlatt. Tubbo winced at the memory that seemed like a celebration to others. 

Was he like Schlatt? I mean. He had exiled Tommy. He had gone against the plans. But he did it all for his own and everyone else’s safety? Right? So why was his best friend dead?

Ghostbur put a ghostly hand over Tubbo’s shoulder.

“You’re going to be okay. Tommy is okay.”

Tubbo groaned, shoving the hand off of him. “You’re a delusional, forgetful ghost of a man I used to know. Let’s just get this going.”

The members of New L’manburg took place in birch seats, placed in front of a memorial. Dream, Ponk, Purpled, Sapnap, and a couple others came to join the funeral. They took a minute to sit in, then a minute in silence.

////

“Do not let go of my hand.” Technoblade told sternly, as they walked over boiling lava. Tommy assumed they were in the nether, and on the rough paths he had once made with Dream.

Tommy’s throat was dry with anticipation. He felt nervous, as they walked up a small series of steps and into a loud whooshing sound. Another Nether portal?

The sun started to burn on his back, as his intestines twisted like a wet rag.

“We’re here. Drink this.”

Handed a potion, he sipped on it, almost gagging as he remembered the blindness potion.

“We’re invisible, now. I’ll lead the way.”

He was grateful.

“We’ve only got three minutes so—“ 

Strumming bounced off the walls. Tommy listened to the patterns familiar to Wilbur’s.

“Can we go there? Where the guitar is coming from?”

He loved the sound. It filled his heart with warmth and joy. 

Techno’s rough hands led him down steps, careful not to trip, and his boots echoed onto the hollow wooden path he had built himself.

“It’s... Tommy, I think it’s for you.”

“What do you mean?”

The strumming ended, and there were sparse claps.

“It’s a... a funeral?”

Technoblade let’s go of Tommy’s hand, walking forward. Being invisible, he couldn’t use his steps to follow him.

“Don’t leave me! Please!”

Tommy heard a familiar voice call out.

“Tommy?”

“Tommy, stay quiet.”

“Tubbo?!”

“Tommy! See, I told you he was alright, Tubbo!” 

Ghostbur’s chilled hand held Tommy’s.

“Are you holding... Tommy, are you invisible?”

“Dream’s here?” Tommy whispered to Ghostbur, who nodded, excited.

“Look! They built all this for you. I thought it was stupid they wanted me to perform without you here when they’re celebrating you.”

“Ghostbur... Do they think I’m dead?” Something in Tubbo’s tone was disturbing, and he heard faint sobs.

“They did, I think. Not anymore, surely!”

“Yeah. Not anymore.” He didn’t care that Dream was here, he lied. A part of him hated Dream for everything, and he wanted milk to prove it.

“Tommy!” He heard Technoblade yell sternly and hushed.

Five.

“Tommy, if you’re here, that violates our agreement.”

Four.

“Tommy, be quiet!”

Three.

“What’s wrong with Tommy being here?”

Two.

“A lot.”

One.

“He can’t be. He’s dead!”

“But I am, Tubbo,” Tommy smiles, the invisibility worn off. Techno drank another one quietly, but Tommy ignores this. He walks up the platform, going to hug Tubbo.

A cold rush goes up his spine, as something sharp hits his stomach. Not again. Not again. Not again. Not again. Please.

He’s felt this before. Tommy has felt this cold rush of pain and numbness, as everything seems to spill. The sharp object hitting his stomach retracts. Tubbo shouts and runs in his tennis shoes to fight Dream.

Dream scoffs, hiding a laugh.

He’s felt this before. He hates this feeling. This is death.

Technoblade grabs Tommy, still invisible, shuffling through their bags for a totem. Why would they leave without totems? We’re they that foolish?

Fundy and Quackity are yelling something. Dream is being rough with Tubbo. He can hear Tubbo’s pleas. It’s all so quiet. He just wanted to see L’manburg one last time. Is that too much?

Someone soft and faint holds him. More distant than Ghostbur. More cold than Ghostbur.

“You were supposed to make it.”

“Will?” He coughs up a little bit of blood.

“You made me proud, Tommy. It’s okay.”

Please. He didn’t want to join his brother yet. There was so much he wanted to do. So many builds to make, so many friendships to amend. He still hadn’t properly spoken to Ranboo. And Tubbo was someone that he wanted to speak with before he died.

He’s felt this before, but not this way.

Technoblade is trying to comfort him, but his words seem so quiet.

Everything is so quiet.

So cold.

So distant.


	11. Frostweed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You asked for a continuation. Here it is :)

Frostweed 

A whistling in his ears slowly summoned him. He opens his eyes to dim light, with occasional flashes of lights. Blue shades swung from the ceiling, which calmly focused. He could see.

Tommy breathed in the chilled air, tasting dust and staleness. 

“Hello?”

His mouth tasted like copper, he realised as he swallowed. His stomach ached, like he’d been torn out from the inside.

His head started to swell. He’d appreciate a good aspirin about now.

“Hel—“

“Please be quiet.”

“Schlatt?” 

Tommy looked around frantically, suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

“Shh.”

“Ay, goat man, be nice to Thomas.”

“He’s here, already?”

“I just want some quiet!”

Tommy breathed frantically. “What’s happening? Where are you? I can’t— Where is this?”

“Welcome to the train, Toms,” Wilbur sighed. It sounded like he was right next to him, but he couldn’t see anyone. He couldn’t see anyone, and yet it felt like he were in the middle of a crowd.

Schlatt sounded like he sat across from Wilbur and Tommy. MD sat at the other end of the train.

Tommy stood, grasping a metal pole sticking from the ceiling.

“Train?”

Schlatt groans, muttering some nonsense. 

“I suppose this is limbo,” Wilbur smiled. You could hear it through his voice. 

“Limbo? But I’m not... Am I dead? Wilby, am I dead?” Tommy shouted.

“You’re not dead, yet. You can’t see us. You’re on almost a different level of death than us.”

“I can’t be dead, Wilbur!”

“Tommyinnit. Relax,” He sighs, standing as well. Tommy can hear the setting down of a heavy guitar case, and a chill settled on his hand that sat on the standing pole.

“Shh,” The ghosts collectively hushed.

“What?!”

“You might live.”

“A sword to the chest?”

“He may.”

Tommy felt defeated, a piece of him was crushed.

“He deserves a more heroic death, like I.”

“Shut up. You’re disgusting.”

“We need to help him!”

“I can hear you!” Tommy gasps.

“We know!”

/🥀/🥀/🥀/

Technoblade grasps his warm body, sunken to his knees. A part of him was somber. He liked taking care of Tommy. It felt like a real younger brother.

Dream shoved his netherite sword up to Tubbo’s chest.

“Test me, little kid. You’ll end up like your friend.”

“You told me he was dead!” Tubbo cried, putting a hand on his own axe.

“You believed me!” Dream laughed, taking a step forward. His eyes were wild and fierce.

“I... Trusted you! I thought you agreed with L’manburg, finally.”

“You are a shit president, Tubbo,” He yelled, taking another step forward. Tubbo stepped backwards, finding the edge of the platform. “Wilbur— No. Schlatt did better at running this nation than you! And it’s evident! You just let Quackity and Fundy push you around! Ranboo is a traitor!”

“No.”

“He works with me so joyfully!”

“I’ve never spoken to Dream before,” Ranboo cried from the sidelines, defensive.

“We enjoy Tubbo as our president!” Fundy cheered, “He is much better than those before him.”

“Because you get to toy with him?”

“N— no.” 

Technoblade growled, standing with Tommy in his arms. Tommy was still breathing, he knew. He started to back up, prepared to leave L’manburg.

“Don’t forget, Blade,” Dream turned around, aiming the sword at Techno, “You owe me.”

Tubbo rearranged his feet, losing grip and sliding off the platform.

Ghostbur fell down as well, moving to catch Tubbo.

Technoblade fled. His white shirt started to fill with blood as he ran towards the community portal, hopping in. 

The only thing on his mind was getting him to Philza.

They met outside of the cabin, where Phil was pacing anxiously.

“What the fuck happened, mate?” He gasped, opening the doors for Technoblade.

Techno sat Tommy on the couch, moving around a potion chest.

“Dream stabbed him,” Techno said calmly.

“Oh that bastard. I’m going to ruin every moment of his life—“

“Focus on Tommy, right now.”

Philza muttered some more nonsense, going through his pockets. He put a totem of undying into Tommy’s hand, and moved to work with the potions. They grabbed some instant health and regeneration, making Tommy swallow them both for extra measure.

/🥀/🥀/🥀/

“I missed this. I miss you, Will.”

Wilbur chuckles. The ghosts had slowly become more visible as he spent time on the train. All of a sudden, the blue shades flickered.

He found himself in darkness again and cried. “Wilbur? MD? Schlatt? Where are you all? I can’t see!”

“Oh,” Wilbur says faintly, almost sadly. “You’re being taken back. That’s good for you, Toms. I’ll see you eventually.”

“But Will—“

“Shh. It’s just not your time.”

Tommy gasps, finding his head whirl with warmth. The copper taste strengthened, and suddenly the air wasn’t so dusty and stale. More warm and fresh. More friendly. He heard mumbling and chatter.

“Hello?”

Everything was dark again.

“Tommy! Thank goodness,” Philza yelled, putting warm hands to his cheeks. “You scared us half to death.”

“Well, I was almost dead.” He mutters, almost dissatisfied.

“I’m glad you aren’t, mate. We value you.”

Some part of him was begging to ask why. Why he had to come back. Why he had to be valued. Why they did value him.

That part would remain unanswered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to write the alternate so it will still be posted. Just as a part of the series.


	12. Purple Hyacinth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who finally has internet to post?? me!! i hate the cold rn 
> 
> if you’re in texas like me: stay safe :)

Purple Hyacinth

Technoblade did his best to hold Tommy as the child thrashed around.

“Why did you heal me? I could’ve been free! I would’ve seen! WILBUR WAS THERE!” 

The pig’s heart raced, trying to keep himself calm. Philza held his feet, but was evidently kicked in the chin and thrown to the floor with a boot from Tommy.

“Take it back! Take me back!”

Philza hated seeing his son like this. Torn to pieces. Hating this life.

“I know you don’t want me, anyways! Please,” Tommy sobbed, calming down slightly. He had tired himself out. “I want to go back.”

Taking off the other boot, Philza placed them by the door and went to hold Tommy. He reaches for him, and is met by a hesitant melt. Tommy loudly cries into Philza’s robs, soaking the green silk. Technoblade sits against the wall of the cottage, worn. 

None of them knew what to do. The five minute fight with Tommy wore them out, and the kid still had a lot buried. It wasn’t much of a fight. A one sided thrash.

The horizon’s amber slips through the doors, and onto the small family. Someone knocks, light and quiet. Tommy lifts his heavy head to watch Ghostbur crack open the spruce doors. 

In Ghostbur’s arms was a President. He bled from his hair, and lay perfectly silent.

“He fell.”

“Who did?” Tommy looks around curiously.

“Why’d you bring him here?” Technoblade growls.

“He was hurt. Everyone in L’manburg let me. It’s Tubbo, Tommy.” Ghostbur looks sad. His wet eyes look up at Tommy. “Dream is going to take down L’manburg single handily.”

“No,” Tommy whispers in disbelief. He unravels from Philza, who watched cautiously as his youngest took his best friend and lay him on the couch. “It’s my fault. They shouldn’t have to pay for what I did.”

“What did you do,” Philza treads on ice, “Tommy?”

“I went to L’manburg when I shouldn’t have.” His head is down and somber as he tends to Tubbo’s wounds. “That’s where I got hurt. That’s where... Tubbo got hurt.”

It was obvious the teenager felt guilty. Technoblade gifted him a potion of instant healing, hunching his back, sleepily. The adults weren’t sure how to feel, or how to act. Ghostbur stood in the sunset with the door open, arms crossed awkwardly.

“Come in, please, Ghostbur,” Philza waved him in, and the door swung shut with a soft thunk.

Tommy did his best to wipe away the blood from Tubbo’s forehead, but he did need some assistance from Philza. Philza wrapped up Tubbo and lay him comfortably on the couch with a hand quilted blanket. The soft blues contrasted Tubbo’s warm appearance.

Tommy sat beneath him, at the foot of the couch. Technoblade returned to the wall, but was forced a blanket by Phil.

A storm raged quietly outdoors, the wind beating the doors occasionally. The snow would pile up, Tommy imagined, keeping them inside. He smiled at the thought, which turned into a soft dream.

He was unsettled by his family’s faces in the dream. They seemed so wrong, but he didn’t know why. The wind began beating harder at the doors, then louder and louder. It sounded like knocking. Philza and Technoblade refused to move, standing like mannequins. What was wrong with their faces? Tubbo sat up, the blanket moving stiffly and his torso creaking.

Tubbo moved his neck unnaturally, staring at Tommy. Tommy groans, unsettled. He twists the handles of the cottage doors, opening them to waves of white. Something green waves in the distance. He slammed the door, hyperventilating. Turning his back to the door, everyone was gone except for some enderman particles by the darkest corner.

Something pulled him closer to the corner, and he couldn’t blink. The pitch black corner welcomed him, pulling him in. A mask slid from the darkness, to Tommy’s feet. A simple smile on white wood. 

There was an enderman yell, and then hands pulled at Tommy’s feet. He was dragged into the darkness that was much bigger than he thought. Plopped onto his stomach, he scratches at the wooden floor, but is pulled in by rather something strong.

Someone slapped him, and he opens his eyes to darkness again. Something about the black surroundings told him he was awake. But alive.

“Tommy!” Tubbo shrieked in a concerned tone. His voice pitched in the midst of the name.

“Tubbo?” He reaches out, finding a small goat horn and fluffy hair disturbed by bandages.

“Hey! Don’t touch there, please.”

“Sorry,” He whimpers, reeling back his hand.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re okay, Tommy,” A smile was evident in his voice.

“I’m glad you’re okay. Probably more than you are about me.”

“Doubt it...” Tubbo’s voice turns distant, as if he looks away. “How are you? How have you been? I thought you were dead!”

“Well... almost.”

Tubbo chuckles, pulling into Tommy for a soft hug. His warm embrace reminds Tommy that there is much more to Tubbo than his smile. They sat there for a moment, as Tommy forgot his dream and Tubbo forgets the world.

After a long talk about the whereabouts of everyone else (they were out doing some secretive stuff), what exile was like (it was shit), and some small talk, Tubbo asks a rather unpleasant question.

“Look at how big my horns have gotten!” 

Tommy reaches out to find them, but is swatted away.

“Don’t touch them!” Tubbo laughs, “It feels weird.”

“But I can’t... Tubbo, did Phil and the Blade not tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

He sounds so innocent, Tommy starts to feel a swarm of guilt for upsetting him in the next few seconds. It’s like he’s prepared for Tubbo to be mad.

“I can’t see, Tubbo.”

“What do you mean? You’re eyes look—“

“I mean I’m blind.”

Tubbo laughs again. “That’s not a funny joke. I like your usual ones better.

Tommy hates the way his chest tightens. “It’s not a joke.” He can’t breathe. Why not? Why can’t he breathe? Is he dying again? Please not right now.

Something in Tubbo sparks, and he panics. “You can’t— Hey! It’s okay, Toms. Relax. It’s okay.”

He can’t say anything. Is Tubbo mad? Where is Dream? 

Dream hurt him.

But Dream took care of him when he was blind. He deserved to be stabbed. He was the one who disobeyed Dream.

But Dream almost killed him!

But Dream was so nice to him. 

Dream was going to blow up L’manburg. Destroy it permanently.

He needs him. He doesn’t need L’manburg. He doesn’t need Philza. AND HE DOESN’T NEED TUBBO.

SHUT UP AND BREATHE.

HE CAN’T.

BREATHE.

BREATHE.

PLEASE.

JUST BREATHE.

He feels his body be embraced. It was Tubbo. Tubbo was hugging or squeezing him. It was a very tight hug either way.

Tubbo starts to sway the both of them from side to side.

“Count down from ten.”

It’s so hard to focus. How can he—

“Shh... Just try it for me, okay, Toms?”

“Ten.”

“Good.”

“Nine.”

What comes after nine? Shit shit shit shit shit—

“Eight? Right Tommy?”

Yeah. That’s right. Eight. “Eight... Seven.”

“Mhmm.”

“Six.”

“Almost done.”

Tommy feels his chest start to loosen, like a drill taking out a screw.

“Five?”

“Yes.”

“Four... Three... Two... One...?”

“You did it Tommy. If you can speak, you’re breathing. Just focus on your breathing for now. Just focus.” Tubbo didn’t let go until Tommy’s breaths were even. He didn’t let go until after Tommy had cried a little. He didn’t let go until Tommy had said “Are you really here?”

Because Tubbo answered honestly, with something he had wanted to say to Tommy a long time ago. 

“I’m here, Big Man.”


	13. Lavender

Lavender

His back sinks into the snow as he plummets. The loud crunching unsettled all other noise. His chest is crushed by a boot, but not hard enough to break a rib.

“Get up.”

Tommy climbs to his feet, snow falling from his back. He looks around frantically. 

“Again.”

Tommy swings a sword, running towards where the wind felt hesitant. There was a short flee of footsteps, and he was left to relocate. The time he took was enough for Technoblade to swipe his feet. Tommy fell chin first into the freezing snow.

“You’re making this too easy.”

“Keep talking,” Tommy pants, standing again.

Techno goes silent, and Tommy groans.

//❄️//

“He has to learn to fight,” Technoblade hush-yells to Philza in the room above Tommy. He wished they would do this somewhere else, or at least include him.

“He is fully capable, Techno...” Philza sighs. He turns around and there is are echoing footsteps on the hardwood. “Promise not to go too far?”

“I won’t even touch a real sword,” He promises.

“Okay.”

//❄️//

“You have to be prepared for anything and everything,” Techno instructs loudly before a whoosh of a pearl flies by Tommy. His reactions had sped up, but the cold still held him back. Tommy raises a sword to the pearl, and hears a chuckle.

Was Technoblade impressed? Did he do that?

“I think that’s enough for today,” There’s a smile in his voice! Tommy impressed The Blade!

Tommy can’t help but smile, unable to stifle his joy. His eyes sparkle as they dodge trees. The layout of the land was rather familiar at this point. Although, he looks silly whenever they cut down trees because he’s avoiding things by memory. 

His stomach still throbbed. The lower section of his torso was just generally in pain. But they helped him, giving him potions to deal with it and helping with the bandages. Dream was a buried memory at this point.

Tubbo yells from the cottage windows, waving, although not known to Tommy.

“Philza made waffles!” He laughs, running outside to meet Tommy. Technoblade smirks, before heading inside.

“For... What time is it?”

Tubbo looks up at the sky and screams. “It’s noon— it’s noon!”

Tommy laughs. At least the sun wasn’t an issue for him anymore. He grabs Tubbo by the hand, and places a rose. Snow had dried up the petals, but it survived out in the snow.

“Where do you find this?”

“Out in the woods. I fell into it,” He frowns. The thorns had been quite sharp, but Technoblade plucked them off for Tommy.

“You have to stop doing that,” Tubbo smiles. He takes Tommy’s hand and leads him inside the cottage where the smell of syrup is strong enough to attract L’Manburg...

“Are you going to go back? To L’manburg?” 

Tubbo drops Tommy’s hand, fidgeting with the crumbling rose, sadly.

“I’m the president, Tommy. I wish you could go with me—“

Tommy hears a slight sniffling and wraps his arms around Tubbo, grasping his short brown hair.

“I’m happy knowing you’re safe,” Tubbo chuckles through the sniffles.

“I’ll miss you.” Another person was leaving him. 

“...Thank you.” 

There’s a sting of hurt for some reason. Why was he hurt by this? He doesn’t understand. It’s just words.

//🥀//

There’s a whistling in his ears, making it hard to hear. He can make out Tubbo’s goodbyes and the nether portal.

Philza and Technoblade walked past him, back to the cottage. Techno grabs Tommy’s hand. He understood.

Tommy had been thinking a lot recently. He used to look around and find constant distractions, but that’s harder now. So, he sits in his bed and thinks.

He almost saw Wilbur, and sometimes it’s tempting to go see him for sure. The train felt crowded and crumby, but Will explained how it would get better as people found peace and got off. 

A slice of him wanted peace. Wanted sight.

It was a rather large slice, and probably more like the whole goddamn pie. Tommy frowns, pulling the comforter over his head. He was now buried in warmth. He still felt cold.

Another thing Tommy started doing was sleeping more. He found no reason to stay awake without things to fix around L’manburg. Occasionally, Technoblade would wake him up to help with something or train, but Techno and Philza hung out most of the time.

He was alone. And cold. And tired.

He never had good dreams. In fact, he couldn’t remember a day he did. His memories have started to blur together, each day roughly the same. 

Wake up, if at all, maybe eat and drink, then sleep some more. He missed the fun and chaos that sprung up around the Dream SMP. Around L’manburg. Home.

Tommy isn’t broken, he’s just tired.

Tommy isn’t sad, he’s just lost.

He wasn’t even sure if it was the blindness causing this feeling. Perhaps he was meant to feel this way. Lost, alone, and tired.

He’s just a kid. That’s something he has forgotten, himself. How to be a child. How to love. How to be weak and okay with it.

The first few days of the cottage when Philza would hold Tommy and rock him to sleep like when he was younger, he misses. Tommy misses being cared for. Even he won’t admit it, because he swears he doesn’t need anyone.

He’s just a kid.

////

Tommy wakes up one morning to a different voice upstairs. It’s deep, likes Techno’s, but young.

He’s heard it before, but not enough to know it. Getting up from the worn down mattress, he slips on some fresh clothes and Wilbur’s jacket. The ladder was climbed by Tommy, as he peaked out over the cottage.

The voices were louder now. It was Phil and Techno talking to someone. Curiosity pulled him upstairs and onto the second floor.

“Tommy?” Philza asks, smiling nervously. You can hear it in his voice.

“Sup, Phil.”

“Oh. Tommy lives with you?” The voice asks.

“Yeah. Forgot to mention that,” Phil laughs.

“How do you know me? Who are you?” He hisses like an offended animal. It’s like someone has stepped onto his territory and he needs to scare them off.

“I think we’ve met? I’m Ranboo.”

Oh yeah. That sounds familiar. He doesn’t quite remember, but that’s good enough... Will this really be the first person he doesn’t know by their looks?

“What do you look like?” Surely not.

Philza laughs, and Ranboo chuckles nervously.

“You’re looking... Can he...”

“I’m blind, yadda yadda. Just tell me.”

“Well, I’m not sure—“

“How can you not be sure what you look like?” Tommy screeches.

“He’s taller than you, Tommy.”

“No fucking—“ Tommy scrambles fully up the ladder, standing.

“Definitely.”

“What the fuck?!”

Philza is on the floor at this point. Technoblade is trying his best to not join Philza, rolling in laughter. Ranboo... is just confused.

“This isn’t fair,” He cries, standing on his toes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more ranboo content :)


	14. Chrysanthemum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye.

Snow began to drift from the heavens, and Wilbur ran outside, laughing cheerfully.

“Look! It’s snowing, Phil!” He smiles, beckoning for Phil and the others to join him. Tommy looked out hesitantly from behind Philza, wary of the strange white stuff.

Wilbur shouted for him to join him, and Tommy knew he could trust his brother. He ran towards Wilbur, watching Wilbur laugh, smile wide. Tommy took the sight for granted.

Technoblade strutted from the Japanese styled home, holding a cup of tea and covered in a thick jacket.

“You’re just going to watch them?” He asked, sipping on the steaming tea, tongue burning slightly.

“They’re so innocent looking...” Philza smiles, rubbing his arm. “First snow.”

Technoblade laughs, chuckling sort of.

“Really? That’s why they’re so excited.”

“Well, it’s not Wilbur’s first snow, but Tommy can’t remember his first very well. I’d say it is Toms’ first.” Philza took a seat on the rugged porch. The house was hand built by Techno and Phil. Speaking of firsts, it was their first build. Not too shabby.

“Dad! Come join us!” Tommy shouted from the frosty flower fields. Wilbur smirks, waving over Techno as well.

Techno, being from the nether, wasn’t one for the cold. But he stood, reaching for Phil’s hand, dragging them both out into the fields.

The wind starts to howl, freezing Tommy’s face. Wilbur goes to shield Tommy, when snow obscures their vision.

“Toms!”

“Wilby!” Tommy yelled, looking through the white field to find his brother. “Wilby!” 

The cold was so real. Where was Wilbur? Where was Phil? Technoblade? He called out for everyone, but no one came. It was just him and the cold.

“Tommy?” Technoblade asks, grasping Tommy’s arm through the cold. The sudden heat jerked Tommy awake, and he flew out of the mattress. His wings twitched like they yearned to fly, but they were too small and weak to do anything. Still recovering from Dream’s weekly clippings.

“Blade?” He gasps, looking for air. The dream had brought him to yearn for vision once more. Perhaps it was a memory. He didn’t remember much of before L’manburg. He didn’t remember much of when he was truly a child.

“Are you okay? You were calling out for... a lot of people.”

He wants to tell him everything. Every sliver of a nightmare. Every slice of terror. 

“Tommy?”

Yeah. Yeah. He hears you perfectly fine. Stop... stop talking.

“Hey—“

Stop it. Please. Technoblade’s insistence made Tommy want to scream, but he found no voice. He fell forward, reaching out for Technoblade quietly.

“I’m... sorry.”

“No. No no no.” Technoblade takes Tommy into his arms, wrapping him in the coat he wore. He wasn’t much of a comfort person... but he could try. Technoblade didn’t like the contact, but Tommy sobbed quietly into his chest. What a mess.

“I should be sorry, Tommy?” Get that questioning tone out of your voice, he tells himself. “You’re just a kid.”

“You’re just a kid, Tommy.”

Tommy stopped crying, hugging Technoblade ever so tightly. The kid had quite a grip. He breaths in the warmth, hating the cold. 

He’s just a kid.

/ / / / 

Tommy was told to help with the bees, but he was scared he would accidentally anger one. Philza let him “watch” from the sides, as really, Tommy just sat in the snow, playing with the grass underneath.

Someone kicked him lightly.

“Are you okay?”

“‘Sup Ranboob.”

“That’s—“ Ranboo inhaled before deciding it wasn’t worth it. “Never mind. Are you?”

Tilting his head to look towards the voice, Tommy realises how tall he might actually be. 

“I’m fine. What are you doing still around here?”

“I live here, now... Don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

Tommy snickers. “What? L’manburg cast you out?” They do that.

“No... Tommy. Did no one tell you?”

He hummed, suddenly curious. “Tell me what?”

“L’manburg is gone.”

He choked on his voice, losing words. Losing face. 

“No it’s not.” Tommy chuckles, standing from the snow. “It’s not... Dream succeeded?”

Ranboo nods, but then hums a yeah. 

Tommy starts laughing, finding it silly. Ridiculous. Impossible. His voice falters. So untrustworthy. Ranboo was a liar, he remembered. A traitor. A traitor. A traitor. HE IS LYING.

Tommy shakes his head violently, backing up into something hard. There weren’t any trees...?

“Careful, mate,” Phil warns from somewhere behind him and on top of something. The bees.

L’manburg isn’t gone. It isn’t. It’s... Why did Ranboo sound so truthful?

His home. His land. Wilbur’s unfinished symphony. It can’t be... They have to finish it. He built that nation from the ground up, and suffered day and night for it. He lost two lives defending that nation, and it’s just gone? Everything he worked for? 

“It’s gone?” He whispers, stunned.

Ranboo sighs. “Yeah. It’s a good thing.”

“It’s a— IT’S A GOOD THING?” Tommy cries out, Philza suddenly looking down at the boys. Tommy walks toward Ranboo, but is slightly off as he waves his hands around, frustratedly.

“That was my home! That was mine and Wilbur’s creation! We fought for it. We died for it! It’s a Good Thing? Ranboo, you weren’t there. You don’t get to say this ending is a good one,” He hisses, eyes burning.

Don’t cry, he tells himself. “That was My L’manburg.”

“It caused so much pain, Tommy,” Ranboo starts to debate. “It caused you so much pain. You weren’t even allowed back there! I don’t see why... Why you want it back?”

“It was all I had left of Wilbur.” 

“Our hard work.”

“It was our unfinished symphony.”

“It was home.”


	15. Myrtle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> needles hurt

Myrtle.

Wilbur guided Tommy’s skinny fingers through the torn shirt. 

“That’s it, you’re doing good,” He smiles, looking away for a moment. Tommy yelps as the needle pokes his finger.

“Damnit Toms. Are you okay?” Air whistles through his gritted teeth. Tommy sucks on his index finger, looking up at Wilbur with big blue eyes. He nods his head.

“I’ll finish the shirt, you stop the bleeding.” Wilbur sighs, taking the sewing kit and Tommy’s favourite shirt.

“I’ve got it!” Tommy mumbles through his finger, begging for the sewing supplies back. 

“Okay,” He chuckles, not having a choice in the matter. He just hoped that Philza would forgive him.

////

Tommy took the fabric, guided by Ghostbur as he picked out colours for him. Red, blue, white, black... and yellow thread... Tommy knew sewing would be harder now, and he hadn’t sewn in weeks, but the project was something he really really wanted to do.

Ghostbur sat on the floor beside the mattress, watching Tommy struggle to grasp the needle and get the thread through.

“Would you like help?”

“No, I’ve got it...” He growls, fiddling with thread. It took a minute before the needle completely missed the thread and stabbed Tommy in the wrist.

“Jesus— Tommy!” 

“I’m fine. I can do this,” But he didn’t know where he had stabbed himself, and he could feel blood trickling down his arm. The copper smell attracted a heavyset pig man from upstairs.

“Tommy, let people help,” Technoblade sighs, grabbing Tommy’s arm with a soft rag. 

“I’m fully capable.”

“How do you not understand, yet? You are blind, Tommy,” Techno sighs, holding the rag until the blood stopped seeping through. “Things are different now. You’ll have to relearn things.”

“I’m nearly eighteen!” He gasps, totally not in denial. “I can’t... I cant relearn stuff at this age. I’m an adult.”

“You’re a kid. If Philza can learn new things, you can, too.”

Tommy chuckles at this, quite happy. He didn’t like the idea of being weak. Wilbur always said how he admired him for his bravery and strength. Tommy wanted to be strong. 

“But...” He remembers fighting with Technoblade as kids. He always lost. Maybe he was weak. 

“Ghostbur?”

“Yeah?”

“Help him with the flag,” Techno looks at Tommy, “No Buts.”

Ghostbur smiles softly, sitting next to Tommy on the bed, grabbing a needle and thread.

“I remember how to make it. I can teach you, Toms.”

Technoblade goes back up the ladder, leaving the ghost and kid alone. In reality, he was right above them, listening to every moment. He took in every sense. 

“That’s right. You’re doing good. Watch your finger—“

“Yeah yeah...” Tommy grumbles, actually thankful for the help. Ghostbur sets down his length of the fabric. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” He lies. “Let me help you with the X.”

////

Tommy wraps the flag around his shoulders, using a cape clip to bring it to a close. His wings were useless, so he didn’t mind covering those with the flag. The L’manburg flag.

Ghostbur said he had remembered something during their hangout. A small Tommy pricking his finger while learning how to sew. They laughed, Tommy slightly embarrassed, but happy knowing Ghostbur was remembering better.

Tommy was allowed to keep sewing supplies in his room in case he wanted to practice. It would be taken away if he got hurt at all, though. So, he made a bookmark in his brain to be careful.

“You look amazing, Toms,” Ghostbur smiles, clapping his hands together. Philza and Technoblade weren’t very happy at the sight, but it was what Tommy wanted.

“Thank you, Wil... Ghostbur.”


	16. Forget Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> forget me not  
> \- protection, luck

He finds the snow beating on his face, but the sun felt out. Tommy crouched against a tree, picking up a stick and dragging it through the snow.

“Tommy.”

His breathing stops, and eyes burn. The voice is right in his ear, raspy and hostile.

“Meet me on the highest mountain South.” He demands, slipping something round and cold into Tommy’s hand.

“Dream—“

“Come alone. Just you and Tubbo.” Dream growls, stepping back and into the snow, “There will be consequences.”

Consequences like a sword to the chest? No way... Tommy still wasn’t allowed in L’manburg. There’s no way for him to talk to Tubbo... How else did Dream expect Tommy to reach Tubbo?

“What are you doing?” Ranboo asks, sneaking up on Tommy accidentally. Tom jumps, surprised. He hits his head on a low branch and groans.

“Sorry...” Ranboo frowns, sighing.

Ranboo walks with Tommy to Techno’s cottage, his footsteps light for such a tall man.

“Why did Dream call you a traitor?”

Ranboo looks down at the blinding snow, his eyes misty with his own confusion.

“I don’t know...”

“Okay,” Tommy sighs, opening the doors to the cottage, struggling at first, but he knew where the handles were. He slides the compass into his pocket, smelling the scent of bread from Philza’s new house he built. 

The scents were so much warmer in Phil’s home. Of baked goods and fresh plants. Tommy enjoyed just sitting in there, but the terrain was odd and new. One afternoon, Philza walked into Tommy laying on his floor, asleep.

He walked the new cut bridge to Philza’s home, opening the doors and inhaling. Phil waves and smiles, before looking sad.

“Hey, mate.”

“Philza, what are you making for me?” Tommy laughs. He’s been trying to revert to his humour...

“Well, it was gonna be for the journey Techno and Ranboo are going on later, but I’ll make extra,” He chuckles, slipping a warm loaf into Tommy’s chilled hands. 

“Thank you, Phil,” the temperature in his body rising as he consumes. “Where are they going?”

“Just around. Ranboo has some maps for sea temples and mansions. He just likes hanging out with Technoblade. The kid admires him.”

“Hey Phil?”

His voice comes closer, as does the footsteps. “Yeah, mate?”

“I have to be somewhere. I don’t know when. I don’t know where. All I know is that I’ll need a guide to L’manburg. That’s as far as possible.”

Philza wraps his arms around the kid. “Oh, Tommy. There is no L’manburg.”

“Wh... where is Tubbo?” He gasps softly, feeling numb in his embrace.

“I don’t know.”

Tommy falls limply, too tired to stand. He grasps at Philza’s yukata, upset. “I need Tubbo, Phil.”

Being honest? It hurt Philza to see his own kid suffer. His own kid long for someone else. Someone who hurt him and betrayed him. Somehow, Tommy still trusted Tubbo. Tommy would protect Tubbo with his life.

“I know. I wish I could help,” he sits themselves down on the floor, running his fingers through the child’s knotted blond.

After a moment, Philza sighs. “I’ll help you find him, okay?”

“Really?” Tommy looks up, weakly. His eyes, though not seeing, were as blue as a baby bluebird’s new feathers.

“I will. We’ll find him together. And I don’t know when or where you’re going, but I support you. I want you to know that I wish I could go with you.”

Tommy chuckles, breathing a heavy sigh, “Thank you, Phil.”

“Of course, Mate.”


End file.
